Every time I prepare move, I invariably become convinced that no landlord will ever want to let me pay to live in his building. Until the moment I have a set of keys in my hand, I continue to find myself wondering which subway stations will best protect me from the elements, and which park has the comfiest benches. No matter how many times I recite Matthew 6:25, nothing reveals how much of a doubter and worrier I am, quite like moving. I'm happy to report that Graham and I have not been forced to sleep on the A train, waking only to break dance for spare change. God provided us with a smooth (if laborious) move-in and amazing friends willing to help carry boxes up five flights of stairs. We now live in a spacious studio apartment right along the Hudson River in an adorable part of Washington Heights. Graham and I both agree that if we were ever to raise a family in New York City, we would do it here (or even further North in Inwood).
In other news, I've joined a dance company for its summer (and potentially Fall) season! I'm so excited to be rehearsing and performing again, and so grateful the Lord has blessed my attempts to do what I love professionally. Besides dancing, I'm making a small amount of money writing freelance which is both awesome and kind of weird. Awesome because "work" is now approximately three feet from my bed, and weird because I don't feel like I have a "real" job. Still, I'm not complaining. God is great. Life is good.
Sarah is a dancer, ballet teacher,and fitness instructor who writes about that stuff here.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Goals, Disappointments and Dancing Dreams
As dancers, we know that our biggest dreams are difficult, if not impossible to attain. I remember being four years old, watching Darci Kistler float across my family's clunky TV screen as the sugar plum fairy in the television version of Balanchine's Nutcracker and telling my mom confidently, "I want to do that." While she patted me on the back and told me that was a lovely dream to have, she added that I'd have to "work very hard" to do it and that not everyone gets to be a prima ballerina. I vowed then and there to work as hard as possible to achieve my goals of becoming a "real" dancer.
After beginning training at a professional ballet school, I was told over and over again that having a career in a well-paying company was next to impossible, even if I continued training rigorously. I listened, but remained convinced that nothing could stand in my way. Body type, poor extensions, height, back injuries. Nothing mattered, I reasoned, if I just worked harder. Although my goals shifted in the years that followed--toward contemporary ballet after a brief fling with musical theater--my determination remained the same. It wasn't until I moved to New York in 2007 that I realized my dreams might not all come true.
A handful of injuries combined with sudden weight gain and anxiety made me afraid, for the first time, of going to dance classes and auditions. The whole NYC dance world overwhelmed me and with each unsuccessful audition, I wondered whether I could really do this. But I couldn't, and still can't, imagine what life would be like without dancing, performing, taking class, having that dream. By the grace of God, I'm learning to compete with dignity in this crazy business. The number of callbacks I've received has increased and I have a couple of company membership options on my horizons. I still wonder what might have happened if I'd stuck with classical ballet alone or if I'd skipped college in favor of conservatory training or an apprenticeship, but I know the decisions I made were for the best. I sometimes feel like my best dancing years are behind me and even though I probably peaked, physically, at 17, I know my technique and versatility have improved immeasurably since then.
Even if my goals are impossibilities, I'm going to keep dreaming, imagining and trying until I'm too old to tie the drawstrings on my ballet slippers.
Yeah, I totally stole this entire post from a believe-in-yourself motivational posters. I'm sorry that this blog is sounds like a Lifetime movie and I hope you'll forgive this disgusting display of sincerity. At least I didn't link you to this. (Oops.)
What's your impossible dream?
After beginning training at a professional ballet school, I was told over and over again that having a career in a well-paying company was next to impossible, even if I continued training rigorously. I listened, but remained convinced that nothing could stand in my way. Body type, poor extensions, height, back injuries. Nothing mattered, I reasoned, if I just worked harder. Although my goals shifted in the years that followed--toward contemporary ballet after a brief fling with musical theater--my determination remained the same. It wasn't until I moved to New York in 2007 that I realized my dreams might not all come true.
A handful of injuries combined with sudden weight gain and anxiety made me afraid, for the first time, of going to dance classes and auditions. The whole NYC dance world overwhelmed me and with each unsuccessful audition, I wondered whether I could really do this. But I couldn't, and still can't, imagine what life would be like without dancing, performing, taking class, having that dream. By the grace of God, I'm learning to compete with dignity in this crazy business. The number of callbacks I've received has increased and I have a couple of company membership options on my horizons. I still wonder what might have happened if I'd stuck with classical ballet alone or if I'd skipped college in favor of conservatory training or an apprenticeship, but I know the decisions I made were for the best. I sometimes feel like my best dancing years are behind me and even though I probably peaked, physically, at 17, I know my technique and versatility have improved immeasurably since then.
Even if my goals are impossibilities, I'm going to keep dreaming, imagining and trying until I'm too old to tie the drawstrings on my ballet slippers.
Yeah, I totally stole this entire post from a believe-in-yourself motivational posters. I'm sorry that this blog is sounds like a Lifetime movie and I hope you'll forgive this disgusting display of sincerity. At least I didn't link you to this. (Oops.)
What's your impossible dream?
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Summer Resolutions
My third year of college is over, my lease is almost up and an empty-looking summer lies ahead. Maybe it's because I spent most of my summers as a child at various ballet workshops and dance competitions, or maybe it's because summers are like little pockets of unexplored potential that mark a change in school years, but I've always felt like our summers help define us. How we choose to spend our summers reveals what we believe is most important to explore. As such, I think now is an appropriate time to begin blogging again regularly.
This is my final summer holiday as a student and, as of yet, I have no idea what lies ahead for Graham (the husband) and I this summer or the months beyond. It's a little bit exciting, but also incredibly nerve-wrecking for someone like me whose had their life planned out meticulously since they were four years old. I intend to make this summer a purposeful expression of what matters most to me; my actions now will, hopefully, plant seeds that will yield harvest in upcoming years. (Excuse me for sounding like a Farmer's Almanac.) In addition to mundane, but important things like finding a new apartment in Manhattan, this summer will be full of. . .
This is my final summer holiday as a student and, as of yet, I have no idea what lies ahead for Graham (the husband) and I this summer or the months beyond. It's a little bit exciting, but also incredibly nerve-wrecking for someone like me whose had their life planned out meticulously since they were four years old. I intend to make this summer a purposeful expression of what matters most to me; my actions now will, hopefully, plant seeds that will yield harvest in upcoming years. (Excuse me for sounding like a Farmer's Almanac.) In addition to mundane, but important things like finding a new apartment in Manhattan, this summer will be full of. . .
- Dancing. I never get to dance as much as I need to and should during the school year. Dancing is such an integral part of my identity that when I can't train and take class very often, part of me feels purposeless. Also, like, I need a job when I graduate and ideally, that job would involve dancing.
- Writing. I did some freelance editing and copywriting last summer and I'd like to continue in some fashion. I'm incredibly scared of pitching story ideas and unsolicited pieces to magazines, but this summer I will STOP being afraid and just do it. After years in the dance world, I'm used to hearing "no" over and over again. No big deal.
- Serve. God's grown my heart for service over the last few years, especially. Graham and I just began attending a new church and I'd love to serve in the children's ministry or find opportunities for volunteer work there. I was initially looking to do an urban ministries internship program this summer but had to change my plans due to lack of funds.
- Learn to be more organized. I'm pretty sure this one my New Year's Resolutions, Summer Resolutions and Back-to-School Resolutions every year, but it never happens. Who wants to give me organization lessons?
How are you planning to spend your summer? Are there any goals or milestones you hope to accomplish?
Saturday, May 8, 2010
A Baby Blog
Everyone has a blog these days. In fact, some of us are so self-important we have more than one blog. I once tried balancing on multiple blog platforms at once only to discover that I don't in fact have enough time, energy or talent for one blog, let alone two or three. So here we are, almost three sentences in to the first-ever post on this shiny new blog and I'm already off to a disorganized, slightly self-deprecating start. Let's try this again, this time with heavily-asterisked commentary .
This blog is a slow-moving, baby turtle wearing only one shoe.
Hi! Welcome!*
I'm Sarah. This is my new blog.**
I've blogged before, but mostly in the I'm-a-college-student-this-is-my-life kind of way. I'm still a college student and I still have a life** but in a few months, I'm graduating and will have to learn to be PROFESSIONAL. My suspicious mentors tell me that PROFESSIONAL people have PROFESSIONAL websites and INTERESTING blog.**** Plus, it's spring-cleaning season and it's kind of nice to clear away the blog clutter. You thought I was going to do the all-caps things again right? Just goes to show that you never know WHAT I'm going to do. I'm FULL of mystery and unprofessional grammatical techniques!
This new "professional" baby-blog is still very much in its early stages of life, so bear with me while I works stuff out and figure how to use this new fangled internet. (Kidding). Check back for a less meta, introductory post soon and in the mean time you can follow me on Twitter (just request!).
--Sarah
* This is my idea of an appropriately upbeat, friendly greeting--like maybe we're not BeSt frIendz 4eva!1 yet, but we have homeroom together and frequently participate in breathing oxygen in relative proximity to one another.
**Notice how I just lay those details out right away? Now you know I'm an eternal spring bursting with creativity.
*** This is a matter of opinion.
****Note the highly unprofessional use of all-caps for emphasis?
I've blogged before, but mostly in the I'm-a-college-student-this-is-my-life kind of way. I'm still a college student and I still have a life** but in a few months, I'm graduating and will have to learn to be PROFESSIONAL. My suspicious mentors tell me that PROFESSIONAL people have PROFESSIONAL websites and INTERESTING blog.**** Plus, it's spring-cleaning season and it's kind of nice to clear away the blog clutter. You thought I was going to do the all-caps things again right? Just goes to show that you never know WHAT I'm going to do. I'm FULL of mystery and unprofessional grammatical techniques!
This new "professional" baby-blog is still very much in its early stages of life, so bear with me while I works stuff out and figure how to use this new fangled internet. (Kidding). Check back for a less meta, introductory post soon and in the mean time you can follow me on Twitter (just request!).
--Sarah
* This is my idea of an appropriately upbeat, friendly greeting--like maybe we're not BeSt frIendz 4eva!1 yet, but we have homeroom together and frequently participate in breathing oxygen in relative proximity to one another.
**Notice how I just lay those details out right away? Now you know I'm an eternal spring bursting with creativity.
*** This is a matter of opinion.
****Note the highly unprofessional use of all-caps for emphasis?
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